Starting Over

Starting over is similar to just starting except for a few differences (see Relationships page).  For this tip we will assume starting over is after a divorce or death of a spouse.  The principles should apply to any major life change such a job changes, moving, death of a loved one, or loss of a close friend.

Starting over starts with you—not with finding a replacement.  If you are expecting to pickup with a new person just where you left off with your ex (except for the bad parts), prepare for pain!  Whoever may come along will be different, and your common ground will probably be much less common than either of you think.  You and someone new will not have the common usage of words that you and your spouse shared.  You will have to build new common ground.  Manipulating someone into being yours is an open invitation to disaster down the road.

First—Establish a Satisfactory Single Life

Regardless of your first preference, establish an independent life that is rewarding and stable so that you do not have to have someone else as your partner—someone you could wrongfully have assume your responsibilities.  A stable single life has three advantages:

1.       It provides stability that only you control—others cannot take it away.

2.       It provides a quality reference standard that any relationship must measure up against.

3.       It demonstrates your strength and gives you more value and respect in the eyes of potential partners.  (Being picked up because of your dire needs and circumstances is creating troublesome expectations for later.)

Second—Improve and Appreciate Your Value

Generally, satisfactory improvement comes with focus, and direction.  Answering questions like: “What kind of person do you really want to be?” and “What kind of person do you want to attract and be with?” can go a long way in setting your direction.

A decent person of personal integrity can be difficult to find and has real value.  Notice that we did not mention money or prestige.  Interestingly, the difference between having value and not is more often self-respect than potential.  If you respect yourself enough to treat yourself accordingly, then you most certainly should expect the same from others—no excuses.  Do not trade your value to someone who cannot bring the same to you.  The material in our e-books offered on this site brings insight and power to bring out your value—value that your past experiences suppress.

Being ‘used merchandise’ is not a valid excuse to compromise and seek failure.  Let your experiences add value to what you have to offer.

Third—Live Realistically in the Real World

Get off the road paved with good intentions and excuses.  Don’t expect to change someone after you get him or her.  Love does not begin to conquer all.  Make sure that you learn about the whole person instead of just what your experience suggests are the important parts.  Those overlooked parts can bring major unhappiness.  Understanding others is a major task that our e-books simplify considerably.

Learn the value of seeking absolute answers—yes or no—to appropriate questions.  Do not get side tracked with excuses.  Examples: Are you going to look for work this week?  Are you willing to get married?  Have you made all the arrangements for our wedding?  Get your yes or no answer first.  Then listen to excuses, reasons and problems.  Make yourself harder to manipulate and push aside.  Remember that you have value and that value must mean something.

E-Book Courses at www.mind-growth.com

With our e-book courses, we provide insight and skills to make the enabling and changing much more effective.  With more effectiveness, you can expect considerably better progress and resultant personal power and life quality.  The course material can also help you find better destinations and open the door for an extended journey of discovery and mind growth.